When was the last time you did something hard? I mean, really hard. Maybe you signed up for a class that challenged your brain or body in a way you had not experienced in years. You may have had a crucial conversation that was delayed for weeks, months, or even years. Maybe you took a leap and stopped doing something that you knew was detrimental to your well-being, but it was so ingrained as a habit that you found it almost impossible to stop. You may be in a challenging situation where you must stay for just a bit longer, and each day, you have to muscle up the courage to keep a cool head and your peace.
Doing hard things—really hard things—is a part of life that I don’t hear people discuss often. I believe this needs to change. In the March issue of my 8 on the 8th newsletter, I discussed how difficult decision-making can be, especially when you have to choose between two seemingly attractive options. I addressed the theme I had heard from people who wished they did not have to choose. Many people would relinquish their autonomy if it meant they didn’t have to make the “hard” decision.
I believe we must start talking about these struggles, sharing our experiences, and learning from each other. Just saying something out loud makes it less daunting. Additionally, shared experiences lead to deeper connections and understanding. And isn’t that what this life is all about? Ensuring that you see, hear, and understand others, and in doing so, they do the same for you.
In a previous essay, I shared that I tend to be impatient and work on building my patience muscle daily. For many people, being patient is a breeze. For me, it is absolutely not; some days, exercising patience with others feels almost impossible. On my most challenging days, I literally have to talk to myself and remind myself to slow down and be patient.
What about you? What are the things that are really hard for you, and what habits have you created to help you navigate through the rough parts successfully? I firmly believe in learning from others – one because life is too short to wander through a wilderness when your friend has already been instructed to the direct path, and two because I believe innately we are designed to be in community. And what better thing for a community to do than to come alongside us and help us through the hard stuff?
For many people I have spoken to, Q1 2025 was rough. Really rough. In addition to people’s personal challenges, people have shared with me that macroeconomic and worldwide challenges have weighed them down. So, my call to action for this essay is for you to share your “hard thing” hack. For me, my “hard thing” hack is I coach myself. I speak to myself in 3rd person. I have been doing this for years, and I recently learned that it has a name: illeism. Speaking to yourself in the third person is a useful psychological technique. Studies have shown that using illeism can help people manage their emotions and behavior more effectively under stress. For example, if I feel myself becoming impatient, I will say, “Shavonnah…take a breath…calm down. Wait. You can do it.” Or if I don’t like doing something I know I need to, I will say, “Come on, Shavonnah, you can do it. Let’s go. We’re doing, come on, it’s happening.” My hack works 100% of the time.
So, what’s yours? What’s something you have learned from doing a tough thing that you believe would be helpful for someone else to know?
I plan to aggregate all the “hard thing” hacks I receive and share them in an upcoming essay.
I look forward to hearing from you!
