“We need to talk…” I am not sure four words have ever packed a bigger punch. Depending on your experiences, just reading those words can cause your heartbeat to quicken and sweat beads to form as you recall a difficult conversation with a spouse, boss, or dog walker. And I get it: when someone else tells you, “We need to talk” (heart still beating quickly?), the most common response is to feel blindsided and a bit back on your heels, which isn’t fun even for the most astute communicators.
Good news: Today, I am not here to talk about your conversations with others but about your conversations with yourself. Those who know me know I am a leadership and personal development nerd, specifically regarding self-leadership. By self-leadership, I mean what we do and say to lead ourselves. In my view, until you can lead yourself, and I would even go further and say master yourself – all other bets are off. You can’t lead any other being until you have learned how to lead yourself effectively.
So, what does all of this have to do with Top Gun: Maverick? Let me explain. I do not have a television at home, so I am typically way out of the loop on most pop culture, including movies. However, I travel quite a bit, so I usually learn about movies and shows on airplanes. Yes, I know; in 2024, my primary source of pop culture intel is United Airlines. Sue me.
Anyway, back to Top Gun: Maverick. On a recent flight, in which I planned to read and review my ground school (I’m a student pilot) notes, the trailer for Top Gun: Maverick came on, and I had a spark of inspiration: “What better way to deepen my knowledge of piloting than to watch a movie about pilots?” I should also note that it did not hurt that every person in the trailer was easy on the eyes, so the decision was made! I would settle in and “learn” via cinema. Except for someone saying, “wing flap,” Top Gun: Maverick did not add much to my piloting knowledge. Instead, it reinforced something I know: the most elite performers are masterful at self-talk. Throughout Top Gun: Maverick, the Maverick (played by Tom Cruise) and other characters repeatedly had moments in the cockpit where they talked to themselves and encouraged themselves during high-stress situations to tap in and perform at their highest levels.
We’ve heard this concept before. In interviews or social media clips with greats like Kobe Bryant, Tom Brady, and Serena Williams, they discuss the pep-talk they give themselves before a big game or match. Sometimes, we get an inside peek via a live microphone overhearing someone during a game like these from the NFL a few years ago. But whether we hear about it or witness it, it’s a fact that self-talk (and visualization) is a vital tenant of the “high-performance playbook.”
These moments resonated with me because I have preached the importance of self-talk, or, as I like to say, “meetings with myself,” for years. Below are the three reasons why I believe you should have “the talk” with yourself as often as possible:
- Your voice is the most consistent – since you are with you all the time, your voice is the one you hear the most often – for better or worse. What are you saying to yourself about yourself? Pay attention over the next 24 hours.
- Your voice is the loudest – it’s hard to believe in this hyper-connected world with messages coming at us from a myriad of sources (AI and human) at near supersonic speeds that our analog voice is the loudest. But it is true. To be fair, I get how easy it is to believe you did or didn’t do the thing because of some external influence, but spoiler alert: you might be influenced by other voices, but ultimately, YOU are pulling the strings.
- Your voice matters most – Yes. You read that correctly; it’s (always) ultimately up to you. So, what you say to yourself about your experiences, circumstances, responsibilities, and responses to all of these is where the rubber meets the road. Not your (fill in the blank human), but you. Understanding YOUR voice matters is the most critical step to making decisions you are comfortable with and owning your outcomes. What are you saying to yourself day after day? Is your internal dialogue affirming or words that sow anxiety and doubt?
Whatever your self-talk has been up to this point, I am here to offer a simple truth: productive self-talk precedes optimal performance.
That said, I vote you double down and commit to having “the talk” with yourself regularly—be honest with yourself about the areas that need improvement and reassure yourself that you have what it takes to figure out the next best step on your path to building the life you want. And may your “self-talk” rise to the level of Lt. Jake “Hangman” Seresin, who in Top Gun: Maverick, repeatedly says, “I am good…I am very good.”
